


No Place Like Home

by metayoz50k



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Gen, Tokyo Ghoul Secret Valentines Exchange 2015
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-15
Updated: 2015-02-15
Packaged: 2018-03-12 22:27:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3357545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/metayoz50k/pseuds/metayoz50k
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kurona and Nashiro take the chance to drop by Haise's house when the Quinx Squad is out shopping.</p>
            </blockquote>





	No Place Like Home

**Author's Note:**

> For mcsgunner, who wanted some artificial one-eyed ghoul “sibling” “bonding” for their secret valentine. It's sort of set in an AU, in which for Some Reason Haise and the Yasuhisa twins are acquainted with each other. 
> 
> Sorry for the lack of Hinami ;; though I did add some detective Hide for ~~my~~ your detective Hide needs :Y 
> 
> I probably got some name-calling wrong (who calls who what? _whattttt_ ) so sorry OTL

“Mm-hmm, yeah, you guys can come over.“ A pause. “What?! No, Kurona-chan, don’t you  _dare_! Mutsuki-kun’s already starting to get suspicious, and don’t even start me on Urie-kun!”

 _“We’re just outside. Open the back windows so we can get in!”_ Haise’s caller replies. He sets down the book in his free hand on the coffee table and takes a peek into the backyard; sure enough, two heads can be seen poking out of some errant bushes.

Heaving a long-suffering sigh, Haise shakes his head. “I’m not letting either of you guys in before you eat what you brought.”

He can feel the indignation emanating from the other end of the line. “ _Rude, brother_ ,” Nashiro grumbles. “ _It isn’t like we’re going to spill crumbs all over the floor-_ “

“It’s not… _that_ …I’m worried about!” Haise feels sick even thinking about what the crumbs of a human body constitute of. “The smell of blood gets everywhere! Do you know how many cans of air freshener I went through last time you guys visited?”

“ _Do we care?_ ”

“Three!And a half! Do you know how expensive those things are, Nashiro? Not to mention the Quinx Squad probably know something’s up – there’s only so many times I can do this until they catch onto the fact that the house smells really fresh and lemony every time I’m left alone in it for a couple of hours!”

“ _Let us in now, before we break in through the windows,_ ” Nashiro replies. As if in warning, one of her kagune extends from her back, preparing to strike.

“ _Yeah, it’s freezing outside,_ ” Kurona butts in.  _“I can feel a cold on the tip of my tongue.”_

 _Somebody, anybody, please help me,_ Haise pleads, looking up to the heavens in hopes of some sort of reprieve.

The ceiling fan looks back, unforgiving, unfeeling.

“Don’t be idiots! Do you want the neighbors calling the CCG over?!” Haise almost throws up his arms in exasperation. “I know it’s a little chilly right now, but-“

“ _Let us innnn,_ ” they whine.

Haise takes a couple of seconds to compose himself. “ _Let me talk_. Only living people are allowed in this house, so stay out until you two are done eating.”

He ignores the complaints from Kurona and Nashiro and ends the call. Nashiro’s kagune flails in the air, but retracts quickly back into her kakuhou. With a smug smile on his face, Haise relaxes back on the couch and reacquaints himself with his book.

It’s the little victories in life which make living worth it, he muses.

\---

His phone buzzes with a text message. Picking it up and checking it, Haise conceals a smirk before opening the backyard window. Fast as lightning, the Yasuhisa twins crawl in, blood caked around their mouths and hands.

Kurona sneezes.

“Jeez, bro, you’re sure frosty today,” she comments, sniffling. Her attention is mostly focused on the radiator nearby, desperately pumping waves of artificial heat to combat the sub-zero winds that are suddenly blowing into the house. She marches up and hugs it lovingly, leaving bloody handprints over the dusty surface.

Nashiro, slightly more dignified, merely sits on the poor contraption. “Yes. Very cold-hearted.”

Haise buries his face into his hands. “What are you guys doing,” he mutters.

Kurona rolls her eyes. “We’re trying to get some warmth into our system, seeing as our  _dear brother_  made us eat outside in the middle of winter.” Feeling seeps back into her fingers, and she waggles them for comfort. “Ah, yeah, that’s more like it.”

Haise points to the direction of the closest bathroom with a vehement snarl curling his lips. “Wash yourselves. Now.”

They, of course, shout protests and glare and generally make as big as a mess they can. Their muddy clothes track dirt on the carpet, and frozen hair begins to thaw and drip.

He brings Kurona and Nashiro a spare change of clothes and some fresh towels, and closes the bathroom door with a sigh. The twins were acting a lot more different than usual - sure, they loved to act childish to annoy Haise every now and then, but the amount of teasing today was on a whole new level. In fact, most of it had not felt like teasing at all; rather, their words felt like they were masking some sort of emotion. But, what?

He walks up to his room and idly traces a finger along the banana poster on the wall. Were they grumpy because of the weather? They  _had_  griped about it quite a bit before he let them in. Of course, that could have been because of the clothes they wore weren’t…ideal…for running around in snow.

Mussing up his hair, Haise flops onto his bed. Speaking of, why were they wearing their usual outfits during such cold weather? The material was thin, too thin to protect the wearer from any sort of extreme temperature, and the masks probably made breathing that much harder. On top of everything, the twins weren’t even wearing shoes, or socks!

He wiggles his toes, wincing at the thought of walking barefoot outside. Did they own no other clothes aside from those cloaks? He’d have to ask them after they came out of the shower.

As if on cue, Haise hears footsteps climb the stairs. Kurona opens the door to his room, and her sister follows suit, dragging a plastic bag holding their clothes behind them.

“Thanks,” they say, in unison. Haise breathes a sigh of relief – the twins seemed a lot more composed than they were before, attracted to the radiator like moths to lights.

“No problem. Hey, guys,” he starts, then abruptly chokes on his tongue as his mind’s gears squeak to a halt. Who would be tactless enough to ask someone how many articles of clothing they owned? As far as he knew, Nashiro and Kurona lived in the outskirts of the city, scavenging for bodies to survive. Drawing attention to this fact would probably offend the two women, or, at the very least, make them feel defensive.

Kurona waves a hand in front of Haise’s face, snapping him out of his reverie. “Bro-bro, you okay?”

“Y-yeah,” he replies, stroking his chin. “I just wanted to say that you guys can, uh, keep those clothes.”

“Wait, keep?” Kurona’s brows crease. “Not borrow? Keep?”

“Yeah! I figured, since I’m never going to wear these again, someone should.” A small, insignificant part of his mind tells him to  _shut up, stop throwing your manly pride to the wolves_ , but he bats it away without twitching an eye.  

“…Yours?” Nashiro speaks up, looking herself over to make sure the frilled blouse and tight jeans hadn’t changed while she was preoccupied. “You own women’s clothing?”

Before Haise can reply, Kurona follows up with an “Our brother’s a crossdresser!” and elbows him, hard, in the ribs.

“Wait, no, there’s a reason—ow, hey!”

“Save your excuses, bro. No need for them; we aren’t bigots. We still love you as much as we did before you came out.” Kurona wraps her arms around him in a mock hug.

“Why would you hide this from us?” Nashiro gasps in mock affront. “I do believe some corporeal punishment is in order.”

 _Oh my god_ , is all he can muster up until the Yasuhisa twins have him pinned down on his bed. They take turns holding him down and tickling him, until Haise starts crying and gasping for breath. They let go of him and lie down, one twin on each side of their ‘brother’.

It takes a couple of seconds until Haise can form coherent sentences. “I—our team—disguised ourselves as women to gain some intel for the Nutcracker case. I wore that blouse,” he points to Nashiro, “back then.”

“Oh, wasn’t that the whole fiasco with the auction?” Kurona points out. Haise nods in affirmation.

“ _That_  was ridiculous.”

As Haise stands up to walk towards his closet, he hears the doorbell ring. He freezes, as do Kurona and Nashiro.

“Sassan! Open up! Saiko-Saiko suddenly fell asleep in a ditch filled with snow and I think she’s sick! Sassan! Sassan!” Shirazu’s gruff voice carries throughout the house. The twins shoot up, Nashiro picking up the abandoned plastic bag.

“Coming!” Haise yells, while motioning at the girls to return to the back windows. As they silently glide down the stairs, he grabs a pair of disused jackets and follows them.

Shoving the jackets into their hands, Haise gives Nashiro and Kurona no time to argue and all but pushes them out the window. He makes his way to the other side of the house, slightly breathless, and opens the door to a disheveled group of five…wait, five?

“Yo, Sasaki!”

“Ah, Sasaki-san, we met Inspector Nagachika on the way,” Mutsuki explains. He gives a nervous glance as the blond beside him gave a wide, relentless smile.

“It’s been a while,” Haise greets, still a little disoriented from smuggling his sisters out of the house.

“It has! Looks like you’re doing well, though,” Nagachika states, looking at Saiko draped across his back, “your ‘daughter’ probably isn’t. You should get her to her bed before her fever gets worse.”

Shirazu picks up the prone body and dashes upstairs to her room before anyone can object. Hideyoshi stifles a chuckle at the sight, as Urie disinterestedly walks to the nearest sofa.

The black-haired boy sniffs the air, before giving a pointed look at the radiator. His eyes grow wide. “What on earth?”

Haise stiffens before looking at the bloodied handprints, kept relatively fresh by the heat. He frantically tries to divert attention, but the damage is done; Mutsuki brings a hand to his mouth and all but runs up the stairs, while Inspector Nagachika’s eyebrows rise up to his hairline.

The blond tears his gaze away from the scene to look at his friend. “Um. Sasaki, what?”

“N-nothing important!” Haise scratches his chin. He swiftly concocts a story involving Friday the thirteenth (today’s date), horror movies and a spare pack of blood, which is enough to stop any questions from present company. 

(Urie and Mutsuki were planning on pulling the  _real_ story out of him later in any case, and Nagachika was too busy cracking up about the obvious cover-up to care too much about the truth).


End file.
